Note to Self

Continually associate yourself with anything that makes your soul bubble with so much energy and life. Tug at them with every string of your being Tessy, just look at what 2016 has been like? Ah, it is indeed a Merry Christmas 😊

Loyalty!

My thoughts  lack what I’d call coherence. Often, they are scattered and whichever item wins usually  dominates my mind. It happened to be loyalty this afternoon. I sat in my quiet corner and thought to myself the rewards I have received in my life for being loyal. If I remember correctly,  I can count the times the rewards have been positive… Very few times.  And so it got me thinking, why would it be so tough to return one’s unwavering loyalty with integrity? Is it that hard? That impossible?
Some other item rudely interrupts this intense moment, I flinch and smile a bit. I don’t  know its name but this interruption  brings  with it an awesome possibility.  It is Guilt,  people who reward your loyalty with nothing but the results of their self centredness suffer an unimaginable kind of guilt. Everytime they see you, smell a whiff of your perfume or hear your scruffy hums their chests tighten and drawing enough air into their systems becomes a challenge.
You may worry about the disdainful looks they throw your way often and wonder why you have to carry all that burden except what you may need to know is the emptiness this person you’d go to whatever heights for suffers is almost indecipherable. But my mind reflects on this with a stern perspective  and decides that this can only happen to them if your loyalty was pure, because when you do things with a pure heart and mind frame,  it shows.

I love that this was the winning thought today ✌

A Letter I Wrote To Myself About Getting Fat

Put On Your Happy Face

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Shall we talk about your body?

Your body, which used to be thinner. Which you took for granted, because it fitted into cheap, tight dresses. Your body, which took you up and down Brixton Hill, every day, twice a day, never unheralded by catcalls, the stream of men and their “Oh baby hey baby nice tits nice ass hey WHERE YOU GOING?”

Your body was a girl’s body, made from dancing and late nights and skipped dinners, of hopefulness and sleeplessness and sadness. It took care of itself, or rather, you didn’t care that it couldn’t. It wasn’t for you, and so you didn’t mind that you couldn’t always afford to feed and nurture it. The admiration of others was nourishment enough. You often went to bed feeling empty. You thought it was heartbreak. It was probably hunger.

Then your body became plump with love.

Late dinners and later breakfasts…

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